Falling Apart at the Seams

We had a little bit of an incident today with the wagon. Buck and Charlie were giving their usual wagon ride to the residents and practicing for the upcoming spooky Halloween parade. They were a tad antsy, but considering their usual rock solid performance, their antsy-ness was mild. It could be that some of this was related to the low tire on the wagon that expressed itself after the large load of boys climbed aboard, and we went through a series of ruts in the road. Coming down the hill back into campus, however, something went wrong. Something on Buck’s harness snapped. Thankfully, they listened to their driver though the ruckus and stopped, though they had a little trouble slowing the heavy wagon rolling behind them. I helped to unhitch the poor sweaty horses and the boys had fun hauling the wagon back to the barn. We then sadly inspected the torn, weakened, and falling apart set of harnesses.

It’s kind of how I’ve been feeling lately. Like I’m falling apart at the seams. The past few months have been pretty rough for me. I’ve been bucked off of a few horses, dealt with what seems to be a permanent pulled muscle in my back, and the rest of my body parts seem to be resisting the compensation that they are having to do. I am tense, stiff, and braced, and I know that my horses notice. I am not sleeping well, have gained weight, and have a tough time keeping my mind on work.

All this I have just been dealing with like it is normal. Well, I’m thirty now, I think sometimes, its just how it is.... When Lucy finally was the one to unseat me I started to take notice. I have been reading a book by Mark Rashid, one of my favorite authors, “Horsemanship Through Life”, which talks about his journey to learning how to take care of what needs taking care of, and going with life instead of bracing against it. As I began to read his story (which was sounding exactly like mine), it all started to make sense.

Harnesses and bodies and minds all need regular attention to ensure that they will continue to work properly. When one thing gets out of whack, it affects all the rest. Setting the one thing right quickly can make things easier. When it’s let go for a long period of time, other parts start needing attention too, and soon the damage can take a lot to fix. Usually by the time we are falling apart at the seams, it almost seems to overwhelming to try to get it back together, and sometimes it takes something snapping to get our attention.

I start physical therapy on Monday (I’ve only had the referral for two months...). I suppose losing weight is also in order, as well as making the time for a regular yoga practice. None of it will be easy. But thank God for horses who manage in situations where everything is falling apart, and help urge us to take notice.

Buck and Charlie pulling their precious load