Fear Itself

In honor of the Halloween season, I am currently working on scaring the crap out of myself. Its not an easy job; it takes a lot of thought. A lot of morbid, tense, irrational thought. Lucky for me, I have a good deal of practice. In case you are looking for guidance in how to totally work yourself up emotionally, here’s the how to: First, It’s always a good idea to work on developing fear in the places that you would most like to not have it, such as regarding something you love the most, or really enjoy doing. After all, what good is being afraid if it doesn’t affect your life much? Once you have determined the most unsuitable area of your life to create anxiety, then, try to think about the worst thing that could possibly happen. We can get really creative here. For example, have you ever thought while driving down the road at night that some little kids will just run out if front of your car, and then you squash them? That’s pretty scary. How about thinking about coming home to your house burnt to the ground, all your kittens and guinea pigs crispy inside? Classic fear right there. Like I said, you have to be creative. My personal favorite is to think about all the crazy things that could happen while driving a horse trailer. I’ve got a whole beautiful list!

Another extremely valuable tactic to use to raise your fear and anxiety levels is to think about a time that something relatively scary happened to you, such as a car accident, or someone getting sick or hurt, and then make a blank generalization across the board that such things are always in the wings waiting for you. Its helpful to exaggerate them a bit, and really obsess about the danger out there lurking. I like to think about past car accidents that I have been involved in (which have all been very minor), and then imagine how gory they could actually be. Here’s a good tip: think about what COULD have happened....Lots of material to work with there. The bigger and more often you can get yourself to have these obsessive scary thoughts, the more scared you will be! And that IS what we are going for, now ISN’T it? (moooaaa-aaa-aaa)

And finally, if you really want to allow your fear to take hold of your life, let it keep you from doing what you love! After all, you wouldn’t want everyone in the entire town to obsessively talk about that little fumble you made in your speech, and therefore shun you from any all all social events for the rest of your life. You absolutely would NOT want to LIVE if that girl didn’t really like you, besides, she would probably throw her entire dinner plate right in your face (oh, the horror!), and most likely slit your tires and get her crazy girlfriends (who just happen to have access to medical supplies) to put some whacked out drugs in your lunch! You may want to give up driving, for sure, and relationships..... If fact you should probably never leave your house at all, I mean, who else will save the guinea pigs from roasting? Whatever you do, do not, I repeat DO NOT follow your dreams!!!

Remember, YOU are in control of your fear. They say the greatest fear is fear itself. I know that if you try hard enough, and with these tips, you can be successful at creating a truly outstanding level of anxiety, paranoia, and good old-fashioned fear in your life. Hope you hate it!!